Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/wild-wreckdom-2025

On the remote island of St. Kawkapuey lives the mysterious Cacapillar.

Often mistaken by tourists as monkey droppings, these sweet-smelling carnivorous insects are most often found in local baseball fields:

...and outdoor cooking grills:

A highly adaptable creature, the Cacapillar has learned to subsist on the island's most readily available diet: stale Funyuns and leftover Whiskey:

[Fun Fact: The population of St. Kawkapuey has the world's highest concentration of Karoake bars per person, and once declared a national "Hangover Day" to celebrate the season finale of Dancing With the Stars.]

 

Though outsiders find the cacapillar off-putting, locals consider it good luck to find one in their home. They also celebrate the warmer summer months, when the island's cacapillars encase themselves in shimmering golden cocoons:

...and then emerge, transformed, as the island's national mascot:

The Majestic All-Seeing Flutterturd

 

Which can grow to weigh as much as a whopping 25 pounds:

 

After cavorting in traffic and laying siege to local liqueur stores, the Flutterturds eventually complete their life cycles by dive-bombing into area vegetable gardens en masse:

There they provide excellent fertilizer, though locals admit the smell of whiskey can take several months to dissipate.

 

Thanks to Laura N., Michelle V., Chris W., Anony M., Holly L., Kimberly S., Kiana R., & Caprice A. for that giant piece of... information.

*****

P.S. I see you enjoy learning things. Might I interest you in this additional educational resource?

Farty Facts: An Illustrated Guide To The Science, History, And Art Of Farting

Yes it's a real book, I can't believe I have to clarify that. A worthy gift for all students of life, or for anyone who has a butt.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/wild-wreckdom-2025

Posted by Sharyn

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/stop-and-smell-the-clichs-2025

Normally I avoid clichés like the plague.

Still, when it comes to buying a cake, sometimes you've got to grab the bull by the horns.

(Just don't grab the other end.)

 

See, I'll bet you dollars to donuts:

... that some of you are going to get wrecks.

 

You may think you have all your ducks in a row:

(or maybe to be rowed...)

... but let's face it: There's a good chance the baker's ...

... a poo ant short of a picnic.

 

And they might get your cake ...

... bass ackwards.

 

I mean, does a bear ...

 ... sit in the woods?

(Aw, Pooh.)

;)

 

Look, you're probably never going to get the baker to eat crow:

 

So don't make a tempest in a teapot!

(Actually, don't make anything in this teapot.)

After all, you've still got a cake, and maybe the manager will mark it down.

 

So rather than look a gift horse in the, uh ...

... gaping mouth nozzle of despair?

... just enjoy your cake.

 

I think Shakespeare put it best:

"That which they call a rose by any other name...

"... still looks like meat."

 

Thanks to Scott D., Deanna C., Laura M., Wolfie W., Anna M., Autumn J., Reba S., Jesea J., Lana H., and Maria V.  for letting us have their cakes and read them, too.

*****

P.S. If you need a drink after those cakes, then I have JUST the game for you:

"These Cards Will Get You Drunk" Party Game

And since I have the constitution of a dizzy squirrel, I propose an alternate version where instead of drinking we eat whoopie pies. Any seconds?

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/stop-and-smell-the-clichs-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/for-auld-lang-swine-2025

+

=

I dub thee... LADY PIG.

Or PIG BUG.

Or MISS BUGGY.

Or... Bob.

Yeah, I like Bob.

 

Thanks to Katya A. for keeping it ladylike. And also for the excuse to post that picture of Miss Piggy. ("Hiiiii-YAH!!")

******

P.S. I collect ridiculous phone cases, and thought some of you might appreciate my latest find:

Peach Piggy Butt Phone Case

The butt is 3D and squishy soft and would make an EXCELLENT gift for your best friend, because she's weird like that. :D

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/for-auld-lang-swine-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/up-all-night-to-get-lucky-2025

Ok, guys, I think it's time to go over the "guidelines" again for wishing someone good luck.

Sooo...

Well? Are ya, punk?

EXCELLENT.

Now,

Rule The First: Pick ONE sentiment and go with it.

It's either "Good Luck" or possibly "Get Lucky." Or, in this case, maybe "Get Lumpy." Heh.

(Anyone else want to stab that giant bump before it scurries away?)

 

Rule The Second: Watch your handwriting.

Believe it or not, a cursive capital L is the single most difficult letter in the entire known universe to write:

Which is probably why this baker tried for a cursive capital Q instead; sure, it looks bad, but at least it doesn't spell anything embarrassing:

Gentlemen, start your engines.

 

Of course, even if you nail the L, there's still that pesky U to contend with:

o.0

Yowza, "best of suck" and "good lick?" How much dirtier can an innocuous "good luck" cake get?!

I had to ask, didn't I.

Which brings us to:

Rule The Third: Mixing botched cursive letters with printed

ones is a sure-fire recipe for disaster.

Hilarious, awkward disaster:

Yeah, Christina. Try not to screw that up.

 

Thanks to Bethany P., Gail K., Jodee R., Kristine W., Amy S., Tracy M., & Christina W., who would not believe how often I see dirty good luck cakes. Or, ok, maybe you would.

*****

::shaking head:: All these cakes trying to say goodbye, when I've got you covered right here:

7-Ft "Later Traitor" Party Banner

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/up-all-night-to-get-lucky-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sumer-lovin-2025

So tell me, Wreckies, how are you enjoying your summer?

Sorry, I mean, "Sumer?"

Or is it "Sumeer?"

You know what, just to be safe, let's sell both versions.

And then make this one the store display, so everyone can see it:

I like to be happy, summetime.

 

Well, however you spell it, I hope you're taking this time to enjoy a little sun.

Or a large, red-eyed spider crawling out of your cake.

 

And that you're working on your tan:

Or dismembering Edward Cullen. (Hey bakers, where's the glitter?)

 

Of course, the only acceptable foot wear right now are flip-flops:

Emphasis on the "flops."

 

And every meal should end with a hefty slice of watermelon:

Preferably the seedless kind. Unless you're expecting...to be expecting.

(See what I did there?)

 

And since these are the lazy days of summer we're talking about, you should be taking lots of breaks:

Stickin' it to the man. Or in this case, the customer.

 

Maybe visit the pit of despair community swimming pool?

"Watch out, kids, I'm about to throw another one down."

 

Or just spend a few quiet evenings walking the beach, looking for seashells and/or body parts:

Who wants ribs?

 

Thanks to Cassie, Brian B., Molly S., Jill V., Tina, Jaemie G., Lindsay W., Elizabeth & AnneMarie, & Anony M. for the disarming finds.

*****

P.S. If you actually go to the beach, then clearly you need a mesh tote bag that's in such high demand they couldn't even get one for the photoshoot, and had to photoshop it in (badly) later:

Oversized Mesh Beach Bag

Oh yeah, bad Photoshop is how you know it's good. Well, that, and the 2,000+ 5-star ratings. Turns out this thing is actually pretty awesome, and also comes in blue, gray, or white. Grab yours before the manufacturer tries to snatch the last one up for a re-shoot.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sumer-lovin-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-villain-edition-2025

Convention season is starting up again, and I am READY, y'all. So since I've got major geekery on the brain anyway, I thought I'd focus today's Sweets on - what else? Geek cakes. But more than that, I've decided to feature geeky villain cakes. 'Cuz geeky villains are cool. (It's the outfits, am I right?)

 First up, the horniest Loki cupcake you will ever see:

Submitted by Sarae B., made by Nerdache Cakes

*snerk*

 It takes a special kind of couple to have a Predator/Alien-themed wedding cake:

Submitted by Kenkire, made by Black Cherry Cake Company

Specifically, a couple who should be friends with me. (Oh, and to whoever decided to put a tiny top hat on the Predator: Bravo. BRA...VO.

I am deeply ashamed to admit that I've never read Dune, but I'm going to assume the giant sandworms fall more on the "villain" side of the spectrum:

Sub'd by Rebecca A., made by Jana's Fun Cakes

(I'm sure you guys will correct me in the comments if I'm wrong.) 

Also, this is another wedding cake, if you can believe it. Check out all the tiny teeth!

 

Now here's a classic villain from my childhood, so I know him well:

Sub'd by Nick B., and made by Truly Scrumptious - the same folks behind that jaw-dropping standing Cyberman I featured last April.

 It's here to EXTERMINATE your hunger, haha! (Sorry; obligatory Dalek joke.) I like how Dalek dresses are all the rage at conventions now, too. Who knew killer robots wielding bathroom plungers could be so chic?

Speaking of chic, here's the best-dressed villain in today's post:

Yes, really - she's handmade, and edible! (Check out another closeup here.) By the always-amazing Highland Bakery.

I have to take a quick break from the villains to show you the best Stargate cake I've ever seen:

By Stacked Cakes

WOWZA. Look at all that detail on the gate! And the watery texture on the event horizon! Seriously, this cake is encoding and locking ALL my chevrons, IF ya know whatta mean. (Stargate humor. Heh. Aheh. Heh.)

Ok, back to the bad guys:

Sub'd by Kat B., made by Cake O'Clock

I'd like to thank Cake O'Clock for going easy on the raspberry syrup. Thank you.

And now, perhaps the most iconic villain of all...

Sub'd by Elizabeth A., made by Crazy Cakes

Vader!! Shiny, shiny Vader. Seriously, I have my own Vader helmet at home (don't ask), and it's not half as shiny as this cake. I think this cakes looks better, too. Seriously amazing.

Of course, we can't have Vader (or at least his helmet) without an official Storm Trooper escort:

By Amanda Oakleaf Cakes

"Hi."

That, my friends, IS the dessert you're looking for: a life-sized Storm Trooper cake!

Don't believe it's cake? PROOF:

Oooh. Stabbed in the back - that's cold.

 

We haven't had enough comic book villains yet, so...how about Venom?

Sub'd by Gayle G., made by Chocmocakes

 And an adorable stylized Harley Quinn?

By Dream Day Cakes

 I love this style SO MUCH. I only wish they had a matching Joker cake, too!

 

 It's amazing what some bakers can do with just buttercream; check out this Sauron's Eye cake:

Sub'd by Claudia S., made by Emily/ emzstar

"I SEEEE YOU. 

"So stop picking your nose. Srsly. That's disgusting."

 

And every evil disembodied eyeball needs a giant evil tower, right? Right.

BEHOLD!

By Cakes by Erin

This cake - yes,  CAKE - was over two feet tall, and set on a One Ring cake base.  Look at all the crazy detail in there:

I'm at a loss as to where - and how! - you'd even BEGIN to cut this. Care to weigh in on that, Erin?

Well, that's it for this week's Sweets, guys! Happy Sunday!

*****

If you love geek cakes as much as I do, then I bet you're someone - or know someone! - who needs this book:

Alien Next Door

Talk about the perfect hardcover gift book for Alien fans, listen to this: "From facehuggers to feather dusters, discover how the perfect killing machine relaxes after a day of scaring space marines."

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-villain-edition-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/9-oddly-specific-apology-cakes-2025

Far be it from me to ever condemn an apology made with cake.

However....

Today's cakes do make me question being quite so specific about it.

Hey, I just realized this should have been the #1 apology cake for my Go-Go song!

 

And maybe these were the accompanying cupcakes?

(It says, "Sorry you fell in my pee.")

 

Now I know why most funeral receptions only serve pie.

 

Anyone else getting a passive-aggressive vibe here?

 

Very funny, Dad.

 

Oh, sure, THIS you can spell. Forget "congratulations," forget "birthday," "GONORRHEA" is the word you get right?! I just...I can't...I don't even...

 

And what are you smiling about?

This is actually adorable. Assuming it's a joke, of course.
If not, then it's adorable *and* hilarious.

This was a dispute between two chefs, kids. Chefs who are overly fond of their cookware. Honest.

 

Gentlemen, you know how sometimes you know you need to apologize, but you don't know what to apologize FOR?

This works.

 

Thanks to LW, Jacqueline P., Michelle B., Michelle M., Andrew C., Andrew F., Heather, Ian S., and Anony M. for taking the lower high road.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/9-oddly-specific-apology-cakes-2025

Posted by Sharyn

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/pass-the-purell-2025

I don't know about you guys, but it seems like everyone I know has gotten sick with something contagious recently. Because knowledge is power, I think you ought to know just what the nasties that are causing all this misery look like. We rented a powerful microscope -- hey, we spare no expense for you, our dear readers -- put samples of the germs under the microscope, and magnified them 5000 times. Here's what we found: Let's start with...

Flu

...and landed very, very badly.

("Shhh! It's trying to communicate.")

("Yeah, and it's saying, 'OUCH.'")

You've probably heard of e-coli:

Be careful around this one -- it makes you feel like crap.

I'll bet you think this is the common cold:

Well, it's not.

Most of us are familiar with Strep:

You know, the one that makes you a little hoarse?

And finally, there's Staphylococcus:

Which is the disease that killed Sigmund Freud.

(Actually, it's not. But wouldn't that have been deliciously ironic?)

We hope you've managed to avoid getting sick, because no one wants these in real life, or in cake form.

(If you were "lucky" enough to get one of these, feel free not to share, m'kay?)

Let's spread thanks to Kara W., Tiffany W., Jan Y., Kerrie C., and Katie P., for their infectious senses of humor.

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/pass-the-purell-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/tmi-celebrations-2025

While I agree that no celebration is complete without cake, I also think some celebrations should maybe be a bit more private than others:

Please tell me you invited the in-laws.

Ahhh, that sweet, sweet moment when your wife throws you a surprise Vasectomy Recovery party:

I hear if you buy two they throw in the bag of frozen peas for free.

(OH YES I DID.)

I looked it up. It really is a thing. So I have two questions: who are you getting this cake for, and how will that not end badly for you?

Of course, nothing will lead to a round of denials as much as this:

C'mon. Does anyone ever admit to watching this show?

But for the ultimate "I-just-learned-something-I-never-wanted-to-know-about-you" dessert, we have this:

So many puns, so few of them safe for work...

Let's all give a hand to Heather M., Alison K., Laura W., Helen J., & Nicole A. for today's wrecks.

****

Funny story about that last cake: it was commissioned by none other than Mr. Bill Murray during the filming of Moonrise Kingdom as a joke for one of the guys working on set. (Cameron was turning 21.) Nicole worked craft services for the movie, and was responsible for fetching the cake from a local bakery. She tells me Murray also insisted on taking Cameron out for his first drink, and was fantastic to the whole crew, and I am insanely jealous of all of them. :)

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/tmi-celebrations-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/clean-up-on-aisle-4-2025

Too often I've been accused of making you readers hungry with my steady parade of candy-coated misspellings and butchered bakery goods.

Well, NO MORE!

Or at least not for today.

Here, I'll ease you in slowly, in case you're mid coffee-sip:

This is your spleen...or possibly a giant tumor...on cupcakes.

 Any questions?

 

I've been told there are no accidents in life; only learning experiences.  If that's true, then we're all about to learn something very important:

Some bakers get sick if you feed them too many mini-marshmallows.

Also, we're not hungry. No, none of us. Now go away. Shoo.

 

Before you ask, this "cake" was being served at a buffet restaurant, and no, that's not mold:

It just looks like mold. Thereby saving the establishment literally dozens of dollars in their dessert budget, I'm sure. (Reminds me of the restaurant with candy sprinkles on their sushi rolls. Hey... do you think it's the same place?)

 

I'm not really sure what's happening in there, but it's a safe bet you're not getting your little plastic purse back.

 

The tag on this next one says, "Freshly made in store by our bakers."

And thank goodness for that! There's just nothing worse than stale vomit from some factory, am I right?

Also...are those...olives?  (Deep breaths, Jen...deep...breaths...)

 

Baker by day, retirement-center barber by night?

EWWWWWWW.

Ok, I just made MYSELF gag. Urg. And no, I don't know what the "hair" is really. Let's just try not to think about it too hard, okay?

Hey, now, WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

 Ah, well, don't worry. Someone'll just stick that on the clearance rack later.

You know, once it cools.

 

Thanks to  Rob A., Emily F., Dani S., Andrea & Anne Marie, Mim & Vince, Lisa D., & Regina G. for the uplifting chucking experience. Who's hungry now, bee-yotches? HUH?

*****

For some reason this post is just calling out for butt-themed home decor, don't you agree?

2-Sided Bathroom Decor Box

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/clean-up-on-aisle-4-2025